Fleeting Moments #1: Ben Folds – “Hiroshima (B B B Benny Hit His Head)”

Way to Normal (2008)

Welcome to a new feature at the Musicarium, “Fleeting Moments”. Here we’ll take a look at good individual songs from albums or even entire careers otherwise mediocre or awful. Often times, a usually dependable artist will release a shitty album that does have one good song or even part of one good song on it. Other times, a usually shitty artist will miraculously release a good song. I thought it would be interesting to find examples of this and write about them.

We begin with the opening track from Ben Folds’ 2008 album, Way to Normal. My review of the album was actually the first official post for the Musicarium back in December 2008 (and you can read that here). At the time, I listened to the record a couple of times, wasn’t terribly impressed by much of it, reviewed it and gave it a C-, and barely listened to it ever again. But there was one song I went back to time to time; the opening track, “Hiroshima (B B B Benny Hit His Head)”, a goofy tale about Folds falling off of the stage at a concert in Japan and the ensuing x-rays that resulted.

I had read many negative reviews of Way to Normal before I first heard it, but in listening to “Hiroshima”, the first song, I was delighted. Folds has released some legitimately brilliant material since the dissolution of Ben Folds Five. Rockin’ the Suburbs (2001) is fantastic from beginning to end, and Songs for Silverman (2005) has a multitude of strong moments that compensate for some unevenness. The negative press concerned me, and there were moments on Songs for Silverman and some of Folds’ five song EPs he released between 2003 and 2004 that were equal parts bewildering and embarrassing. But after hearing “Hiroshima”, I was confident that Way to Normal would be another winner.

Folds has been much more serious in his solo work than he was with Ben Folds Five. Much of Ben Folds Five’s output could be described as a frolicking, cheerful retelling of relationships gone bad and youth gone by the wayside. They rarely delved into serious remembrance or yearning (except, of course, for “Brick”, their biggest hit), choosing instead to be humorous bystanders to the sad sacks they sang about. Ben Folds Five was a great band because they sounded different, they wrote great songs, and they talked about the same shit everyone else talks about in a unique and entertaining voice.

When Folds moved away from that when he went solo, he became more ordinary. He was still writing some great music, but much of it didn’t feel special anymore. “Hiroshima”, however briefly, recaptures some of that self-deprecating charm. It’s big and bright, with memorable piano and simple chorus of Folds and a crowd yelling “Oh Oh Oh Oh” repeatedly. Folds singing about his mishap in Japan is sentimental, but stupidly so; and it sounds like something Ben Folds Five might have released.

I don’t mean to say that the song is only good because it sounds like Ben Folds Five. But in light of the rest of the largely putrid Way to Normal, in which Folds oscillates from “too sweet and too zany” to “too corny and wistful”, “Hiroshima” provides the only balance between those extremes and is thus the only truly good song on the album.

Listen to the song on YouTube.

John Lacey

The Random Ten #16

Matt #1) Baroness - “Swollen and Halo” - Blue Record (2009)

Those who’ve read this blog know that Blue Record was my album of the year for 2009 (ed. note: you can read that at http://themusicarium.blogspot.com/2010/01/matts-top-10-albums-of-2009.html). “Swollen and Halo,” one of the more laid-back, melodic rockers on the LP, is also one of the best tracks in the bunch. Great riff follows great riff follows great riff, and John Baizley’s cleaner singing approach really fits the vibe of the song. Amazing track from an amazing band.

John #1) Oasis – “Up In The Sky” – Definitely Maybe (1994)

We start with a cut from Oasis’ first album, Definitely Maybe, which immediately made the group superstars in the United Kingdom and garnered them a large amount of attention stateside. “Up In The Sky” is pretty straightforward Oasis; you should know the drill by now. A big, booming riff, some nice progressions and movements, relatively boring vocals, etc.

It does sound really clean for a debut record, though, and in listening to this it’s understandable why British people were shitting their pants. They sounded like the real deal at the time, but considering whom they were being compared to constantly (*thebeatlesakathebestbandofalltime*), they couldn’t sustain the momentum or make music nearly as good. Being compared to the Beatles was helpful in ways; I don’t think Oasis would have ever become as big if those comparisons never existed. Unfortunately, it’s very unfair to the band, and music fans the world over will forever think of Oasis as “that band that didn’t become the next Beatles”. There will never be another Beatles, so we can probably let that go at this point.

Matt #2) Slayer - “Born of Fire” - Decade of Aggression – Live (1991)

Captured on the original Clash of the Titans tour in 1991, Slayer were at their live peak, as well as their peak of popularity (until about 2004 or so, when they started selling out mid-sized arenas on a regular basis again). “Born of Fire” is a thrasher taken from Seasons in the Abyss, but it sounds a lot more raw and violent in the live setting. Tom Araya’s vocals were rather clean in the studio version, but here he really goes for it.

John #2) Megadeth – “Skull Beneath The Skin” – Killing Is My Business…And Business Is Good! (1985)

Megadeth gets a raw deal. Their brand of thrash is every bit as fast, nasty and melodic as Metallica’s early output, but no one ever talks about them except to discuss how insane/drunk Dave Mustaine is. This tune, taken from the band’s first album, is a technical metal fan’s dream. Fast, tight, complicated and raw; exactly what thrash should sound like. Hearing this prompted me to spend twenty seconds adding the album to my iPod, which is about the highest form of praise I can mete out.

Matt #3) Halford - “Jawbreaker” - Live Insurrection (2001)

“Jawbreaker” originally comes from the criminally underrated Judas Priest album, Defenders of the Faith. What Defenders lacks in production – the drum sound is so 1980s – the songwriting more than makes up for. This live version of that album’s second track, “Jawbreaker,” features much stronger production than the original studio version, as well as a rabid South American crowd singing along with every word. Halford’s live band in 2000 was absolutely top-notch, and did an amazing job at recreating old Priest tunes, even better than Priest themselves were doing at the time with vocalist Tim “Ripper” Owens. If you’re a Priest fan but never checked out Halford, the band, their debut album Resurrection and its live follow-up are mandatory listening.

John #3) String Cheese Incident – “Mauna Bowa” – Carnival ’99 (recorded 1999, officially released in 2000)

Let’s quickly go to the other end of the musical spectrum! String Cheese Incident, to create a segue, is like the Megadeth of jam bands. They flawlessly play complex, fast music that is pleasing to the ears without it being muddled or too busy. “Mauna Bowa” is an instrumental track that features great violin work from Michael Kang. Its tropical vibe and island rhythms, combined with a recurring violin refrain from Kang and a manageable length (seven minutes) make it a fun, solid track.

Matt #4) Dr. Dre f/Xzibit & Eminem - “What’s the Difference” - 2001 (1999)

This is probably my favorite song from 2001, although Eminem’s rap hasn’t aged that well over time. The main beat and chorus are catchy as hell, and Dre and Xzibit’s verses are well-constructed and executed. I’m no expert on rap, by any means, but this is one of my top 10 rap tunes of all time, easily.

John #4) Slayer – “Postmortem” – Reign In Blood (1986)

More thrash! This time, darker and with satanic themes! This is Slayer, and the Reign In Blood album revolutionized metal and helped move the genre into the extreme places it has since gone. Oh, the song rules, too; it’s really, really heavy and evil sounding. I may have to dust off my Jnco jeans from eighth grade when I was into metal and start listening to this stuff more often.

Matt #5) Alice in Chains - “Dam that River” - Live (2000)

Half of Alice in Chains' Live is a great documentation of the band at their live peak. Half was recorded post-Alice in Chains, when the band played approximately 5 live shows before going into exile for 6 years, leading up to the death of frontman Layne Staley. This version of “Dam that River” comes from 1996, when Staley sounded about as worn-out as he looked. Not an easy song to sing by any means, this version sounds way too bare and stripped down, and shows a band falling apart at the seams. Staley’s singing along with the guitar riff prior to the first verse is just awkward and pathetic. Depending on your view of the band, they’ve either tarnished their legacy completely in recent years by continuing in Staley’s absence, or they’ve reclaimed their glory with a renewed vigor. Either way, everyone should be glad that Live isn’t most people’s lasting image of the band.

John #5) Jethro Tull – “My God” – Aqualung Live (recorded 2005, officially released in 2006)

Talk about letting the air out of the balloon. My brain was just set aflame, and it took a couple of minutes to actually pay attention to this once it started. This is simply a live performance of Jethro Tull’s masterwork 1971 Aqualung album. These old bastards actually sound pretty good considering this was recorded in 2005. Everything sounds on point and Tull’s famous sludgy guitar riffs remain intact. Of course, we need to break for five minutes to listen to Ian Anderson play the flute. I get it, you’re talented. Stop.

Matt #6) Lamb of God - “Laid to Rest” - Ashes of the Wake (2004)

Ashes of the Wake was the album that turned Lamb of God into the modern-day Pantera, if not in sound, then at least in popularity. “Laid to Rest,” the opening track from their now-classic 3rd release, is a modern metal staple. Say what you want about the state of metal in the 2000s, but Lamb of God picked up the ball that Pantera dropped, and have run with it, full steam ahead. I saw the band perform this song on Ozzfest 2004, prior to the release of the album, and I knew their 3rd release was going to be a phenom. Did it hit Number 1 on the charts like Far Beyond Driven? Certainly not, but it brought this band out of the underground and into the front of the “mainstream” metal pack, alongside Mastodon and Killswitch Engage. One listen to the passionate riffs and vocals of this song, and it’s easy to see why.

John #6) Mother Love Bone – “Chloe Dancer/Crown Of Thorns” – Mother Love Bone (1992; the song was originally released on the Shine EP [1989])

I fucking love this song. It features one of the most haunting intro piano pieces of anything I’ve ever heard. I was first exposed to it with Pearl Jam playing it live (Stone Gossard and Jeff Ament from Pearl Jam were initially in Mother Love Bone and play this song routinely). Usually, Pearl Jam plays a few bars of the intro piano part and then they go into the “Crown Of Thorns” section of the song. The Mother Love Bone version is much better. The intro piece, “Chloe Dancer”, makes the song what it is. It’s simple but elegant and important-sounding. After two minutes, that becomes “Crown Of Thorns”, a quintessential early grunge track, and one of the first that showed the legitimately majestic heights the genre could reach. Listening to this, it’s hard not to wonder what would have happened if lead singer Andrew Wood hadn’t died and the group hadn’t eventually morphed into Pearl Jam. Judging by this, they might have been even better.

Matt #7) Killswitch Engage - “The End of Heartache” - [Set This] World Ablaze EP (2005)

Taken from their live DVD, and promotional EP of the same name, this version of “Heartache” features the band’s insanely rabid hometown crowd, recorded in Worcester, MA in 2005. This was right near the end of the touring cycle for The End of Heartache (the album), and the band had turned the title-track into a minor radio rock hit. The catchy hooks and 80s-inspired riffing (“Panama,” anyone?) struck a nerve with fans, and the back and forth between Howard Jones and the crowd’s singing is nothing short of inspiring. If you’re a KsE fan, you need to hear this. As I always say about KsE, you either love them or hate them. I don’t love them as much now as I did in 2005, but this song still rules.

John #7) Jeff Buckley – “Alligator Wine” – Grace (original album released 1994; this track is from the “legacy edition” released in 2004)

“Alligator Wine” finds Jeff Buckley performing a twangy blues track included on the deluxe reissue of his seminal Grace album. The song sounds like Buckley mimicking an old blues singer to an electric guitar and repeating snare hit. Not very noteworthy, and probably for completists only.

Matt #8) Kiss - “Love Gun” - Love Gun (1977)

One of the songs and bands that first inspired me to pick up a guitar, mainly because of Ace Frehley’s simple-yet-ass-kicking solo. “Love Gun” is, to paraphrase Sean William Scott in Role Models, about Paul Stanley’s dick. The lyrics are Kiss at their nonsensical best, with some vague and some not-so-vague innuendos thrown out left and right, all about sex, naturally. Still, the rollicking beat and Gene Simmons’ always-underrated bass work really carry the tune, and I had the fortune of seeing the last incarnation of the original line up on their “farewell” tour in 2000 (The band, of course, still continues touring to this date, with replacement players Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer in for Ace and Peter Criss, respectively).

John #8) Grateful Dead – “They Love Each Other” – Dick’s Picks Vol. 10: Winterland, San Francisco, CA 12/29/77 (recorded 1977, released 1998)

The Dead returned to their hometown at the end of 1977, and thankfully for us the affair was recorded and officially released twelve years ago. “They Love Each Other” is a nice, soft, rolling number; pleasant sounding and expertly handled but featuring few surprises. It moves along unassumingly for eight minutes, with some nice understated jamming towards its end. Decent but forgettable.

Matt #9) Celtic Frost - “Inner Sanctum” - Into the Pandemonium (1987)

Celtic Frost simply did not give a fuck, and I will always commend them for that. From over-the-top extreme metal (for the time) on Morbid Tales, to string-based, operatic singing and new-wave covers on third album Into the Pandemonium, they really did whatever the hell they wanted, and managed not to really alienate their fanbase until the release of their dumbed-down, hair metal-esque fourth album, Cold Lake. Their reunion in 2005 and subsequent album Monotheist rightfully restored the band’s legacy in metal history, although they unfortunately disbanded for good in 2007. Into the Pandemonium ran the gamut of styles, but “Inner Sanctum” is the one song on the album that sounds like it could have come from To Mega Therion or Morbid Tales, as it’s pretty much a heavy, thrashing metal song all the way through. My favorite track from Pandemonium would have to be “Mesmerized,” but “Inner Sanctum” is a close second.

John #9) Nirvana – “Rape Me” – In Utero (1994)

Luckily, I didn’t buy this album at Wal-Mart so the objectionable lyrics haven’t been censored. As opposed to the earlier Mother Love Bone song, “Rape Me” is much louder and more aggressive, with a metal-sounding chorus. Both approaches work, however, and here Nirvana chooses to eschew subtlety and go full bore. Nothing wrong with that. Rightfully famous.

Matt #10) Iron Maiden - “Wildest Dreams” - Dance of Death (2003)

Dance of Death was Iron Maiden’s second studio effort following the return of Bruce Dickinson and Adrian Smith in 1999. Released in 2003, “Wildest Dreams” was the lead track and first single from the album, which I think was a mistake, because, frankly, it’s not that great of a song. The album was great, don’t get me wrong, but it’s one of the rare albums where they lead off with an average track and then each subsequent track gets better, all the way up until the album’s climax, “Paschendale.” This song is almost too upbeat, with no great riffs or parts that really stand out, and the lyrics, meant to be a rousing, crowd-pleasing anthem, are just kind of there. Not Maiden’s best effort at all.

John #10) Deep Purple – “Space Truckin’” – When We Rock, We Rock And When We Roll, We Roll (1978; the song was originally released on Machine Head [1972])

Let’s end with a classic ‘70s radio hit! Whooooooooooooooeeeeeeee! This song makes me picture myself driving down the highway in my convertible, pedal to the metal, sun in my hair and a beer in my hand. Maybe I should actually try that sometime, instead of thinking intently about life while listening to a Decemberists song. Deep Purple sounds a lot more fun.

It’s obnoxious, sophomoric, and mind-numbingly simple, and it’s fucking great. It has some of the sexuality of the big Led Zeppelin rock anthems but doesn’t take itself too seriously. “Space Truckin’” is a perfect early ‘70s hard rock song.

Matt Steele/John Lacey

Drive-By Truckers - The Big To-Do

Drive-By Truckers
The Big To-Do
2010 ATO

From the heels of their critically acclaimed and well liked opus Brighter Than Creation’s Dark (2008) comes the new Drive-By Truckers record, The Big To-Do, the group’s eighth studio album. The Drive-By Truckers have made a career performing songs about hard drinking and hard living, with a raucous but also a truthful and sometimes sorrowful sensibility. It’s their tenderness and delicateness when covering such subjects, even when they’re at full volume, that makes their songs and albums perennially engaging and often times brilliant.

Thankfully, that spirit continues with The Big To-Do. De facto leader Patterson Hood kicks things off with a blistering opener, “Daddy Learned to Fly”, featuring a memorable, rough guitar riff and setting the bar for the rest of the album really high. The band has three principal songwriters (guitarist Hood, other guitarist Mike Cooley, and bassist Shonda Tucker), which allows their records to change shape and move in different directions without deviating too far from the mean. Hood assumes most of the songwriting duties on The Big To-Do, largely successfully. “Drag the Lake Charlie”, lead single “This Fucking Job”, and “After the Scene Dies” are all riff-heavy, big-chorus anthems that work well and carry the momentum of the tremendous opener.

It’s unfortunate that Cooley’s contributions are diminished, however, because he routinely provides the most enduring tracks to Drive-By Truckers’ records (he only penned three songs on this album). His “Birthday Boy”, which looks at a day in the life of a prostitute, features a memorable melody and perfect slide guitar accompaniment, and is one of his finest moments. Shonda Tucker chimes in with two tracks, and though her songs on Brighter Than Creation’s Dark may have been that album’s lowlights, she shines in the eerie “You Got Another” and “It’s Gonna Be (I Told You So)”.

The album does taper off towards its conclusion. The Hood-written “Santa Fe” has its moments, but the second half of the record, though solid, passes without much fanfare. To be frank, some of The Big To-Do sounds like a retread of Brighter Than Creation’s Dark, even down to lyrical content and track layout.

I’m not advocating for Patterson Hood to start playing a didgeridoo or for the band to incorporate a West African chorus, but a little more ambition would be nice. Even still, though I might not fully grasp the science of it, I think if you dilute something that’s fucking awesome to begin with, the end result is simply something slightly less fucking awesome.

B+

John Lacey

(Ed. Note: This marks the 100th post on the Musicarium. I realize not many people care, but I kinda do, and I’d like to sincerely thank everyone who has ever written a column for this blog and anyone who has ever read it, particularly Matt Steele, who has contributed routinely since day one. Here’s to 100 more!)

The Simpsons Project #10

The Simpsons Project #10 (Season 1, Episode 10)
Homer’s Night Out
Original airdate: 3/25/90

Hi, friends. Welcome back to another installment of the Simpsons Project, where I take on the herculean and insane task of trying to review every episode of the series for my (12) faithful readers. Today’s entry: “Homer’s Night Out”.

We begin the episode with Homer bemoaning his recent weight gain (he’s “ballooned” up to 239 pounds, his standard weight for the remainder of the series). He curses his sweet tooth as the cause for his portliness, asking God “why are all the good things so tasty?”, but he soon distracts himself by telling Marge that he’s been invited to a co-worker’s bachelor party. She’s rightfully nervous about his attendance, but he assures her the party will be “very classy, a tea and crumpets kinda thing.”

Meanwhile, Bart purchases a miniature spy camera from the back of a comic book and immediately uses it to photograph a semi-nude Homer performing a half-assed workout in the bathroom. Later, with Homer attending his bachelor party, the rest of the family decides to go out to dinner. Unbeknownst to both Homer and his family, the party and the dinner are being held at the same Springfield eatery, the Rusty Barnacle.

There’s a great moment when the bachelor party, in an adjacent room, is so loud that Marge complains to the waiter. He promptly pleads with the partiers to quiet down, to which Homer curtly and rudely responds, “Hey, shut up.” It’s a quick scene, but it’s indicative of the complete jerk Homer is to become later in the series, rather than the good-hearted half-wit he is towards the beginning.

The rest of the plot is set up when Bart sneaks into the party to find Homer frolicking with a belly dancer, a scene he promptly snaps a photo of. Bart immediately develops the photos and is easily persuaded to give copies out to his friends. They soon make the rounds in the neighborhood (along the way giving us a rare glimpse of Mr. Burns’ earlier, much smaller, less ornate office), and it isn’t long before Marge is made aware of Homer’s carousing.

Many of the first season episodes focus primarily on the storyline and it seems like jokes and one-liners were added in on the fly later, to varying degrees of success. Later seasons would much more seamlessly blend story and non-stop cutting edge hilarity. There are a lot of missed opportunities and predictable jokes in “Homer’s Night Out”, and their presence makes later episodes feel that much more vivid.

Anyway, Marge kicks Homer out of the house, and his first stop is ladies night at Moe’s, where “unescorted ladies drink free”. Homer eventually grovels to Marge for forgiveness, but she is more concerned with Homer’s negative example to Bart of objectifying women than his borderline infidelity. Marge makes Homer take Bart to meet the belly dancer, Princess Kashmir (AKA April Flowers), so that he may understand that she is a real person with emotions and feelings and not just an object.

In a nice ending, Homer is unwittingly thrust into the center of a showgirl conga line. Though he initially plays up his newfound swinging image for the audience, he notices Bart and stops the routine, pleading with the men in the crowd to recognize women as something more than curvaceous sexpots. Marge, having snuck into the audience without Homer’s knowledge, immediately forgives him, and their relationship is mended. Well-known and with a nice story, but not all that great. C.

John Lacey

The Songs We Love To Hate

Disclaimer: These diatribes were created for educational purposes only. They do not reflect the views of the author. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

I would like to introduce myself. My name is Erin, and feel it is my social duty to offer the general public a fresh look on popular tunes. I am not a professional writer, nor a celebrated virtuoso. But, I possess a self-proclaimed degree in urban observation paired with a judging attitude, and witty disposition. Jackpot! So, while I am not an expert on the subject, I do feel qualified to deconstruct, expose, and reveal your specious top 40 hits for who they really are.

In today’s essay, I would like to discuss the cultural phenomenon of the dive bar digital jukebox, and the musical selections that can be requested with a 4 credits per dollar purchase. Specifically, this is a summary of the most deadly earworms to grace audio mediums. Alternatively, this list could be used strategically to introduce unsolicited social awkwardness in a bar.

Scene: You, sitting at your local “paddy’s pub” with (enter beverage choice here) in hand, watching a couple in the corner on their first match.com date, 2 business men discussing work on a paper napkin, another group of friends scrolling through photos from a night of mayhem, friends playing darts in the corner, a guy trying to pick up a girl way out of his league / girl giving the wrong number, et cetera. The musical ambiance: each song hand selected, is an amorphous mix of classic rock, 90’s grunge, and modern hip-hop. Each tune seems to fit into place, nothing too unexpected. Then, like a bitch slap across the face, bringing you straight back to middle school, you hear the first 5 ascending notes of “The Thong Song”. Compliments to Sisqo, all action in the bar has ceased for what seems to be eternity. You look around, to make unintentional eye contact with everyone, searching for the one soul that decided, “Yes, this was a good musical decision”. With one swift shot, one song has made the entire bar uncomfortable, yet, simultaneously feels good… like the last time you indulged in a guilty pleasure. However, because every song carries a certain level of “Cool”, your reputation lies on your immediate reaction to Sisqo’s poem…. Maybe you do have a look in your eye so devilish, and occasionally like to shake that thang like who’s the ish, but you can’t let your neighbor know that. The various looks of disapproval provided by terrible music are a green house for awkward situations to flourish.

So, after a poll amongst peers, and heavy researching, I bring to you the list of most inappropriate earworms that could possibly be played via dive bar jukebox, complete with my own personal annotations.

1.) Sisqo – "Thong Song"
Catchy tune, which allowed females to feel confident about a whale’s tale coming out the back of their jeans. And funny thing, Sisqo even pinpoints the demographic that digs his song. White girls who also have Ricky Martin’s album, and therefore will automatically acknowledge the limerick, “and ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots… cuz she was livin la vida loca” …

2.) Ricky Martin – "Livin' La Vida Loca"
A metro-sexual man in tight pleather pants, shaking his bon-bon, with his hands in the air singing Spanglish sweet-nothings into a woman’s ear.

3.) Lou Bega – "Mambo # 5"
The seven independent women in Mr. Bega’s life and/or anyone who shares their name made this song popular. Kudos to Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary, and Jessica for taking one for the team, and consequently introducing jive-dance to the Billboard charts.

4.) Los Del Mar – "Macerena"
Is it possible to just sit and listen to this song? I think we have a social experiment on our hands.

5.) Shawn Mullins – "Lullaby"
I don’t even think this counts as a song. Shawn Mullins is merely speaking deeply throughout the song. To be quite honest it creeps me out that he knows so much about a girl by merely observing her from the stage. Creep.

6.) Aqua – "Barbie Girl"
This one needs no explanation.

7.) Trashmen – "Surfin’ Bird"
I am not sure if this 60’s jam is in modern jukeboxes. I challenge you to download and listen to this obnoxious jig for more then 15 seconds.

8.) Eiffel 65 – "Blue"
Actually, this song could become a hot topic of discussion; the trippy lyrics suggest what life would be like if everything was blue, even your girlfriend. What a terrible thought.

9.) Chumbawamba – "Tubthumping"
Actually, this is my guilty pleasure. A musical successory.

10.) Jennifer Lopez – "Jenny From The Block"
Question: Did J.lo ever find someone that was actually fooled by the rocks that she had?

Honorable mentions:
Dead Or Alive – "You Spin Me Round"
Anything by Nickelback
Rednex – "Cotton Eyed Joe"
Creed – "With Arms Wide Open"
The Pretenders – "500 Miles"
Tatu – "All The Things She Said"
La Bouche – "Be My Lover"
Phantom Planet – "California"
Tal Bachman – "She’s So High"

I would like to thank all that responded to my poll. It is my intentions for you to take this information to the next dive bar jukebox. Just to mix things up, make your next outing a little spicy and classless for everyone else.

Erin Briskie

Forgotten Records #7: Slayer - Diabolus In Musica

Slayer
Diabolus In Musica
1998 American

Slayer’s quality of output following the departure of drummer Dave Lombardo in 1992 has been a point of contention for fans for a long time. Some say that 1994’s Divine Intervention was a band treading water, others say it’s an underrated classic. I’m sort of in the latter camp. Some of the songs are forgettable, but there’s nothing bad on the album, and some songs are fucking great – “Divine Intervention,” “Serenity in Murder,” “Killing Fields,” and the blazing “Dittohead.” The production left a little to be desired, but overall, the band’s 6th studio release wasn’t anything too offensive for longtime fans. Their next studio release, however, certainly was.

Undisputed Attitude, a collection of hardcore/punk covers, certainly pissed off a lot of the longtime Slayer faithful. The fact that Slayer, thrash metal legends they were and still are, branched out into a genre like punk really upset a lot of closed-minded metalheads that only wanted to hear the band tackle Venom and Judas Priest songs. Pioneers that they were, though, Slayer went outside the box and tackled a genre that most didn’t expect. The fact that they picked relatively obscure bands to cover also showed that they were nowhere near the edge of selling out. As a one-off, studio project record that it really is, Undisputed Attitude still kind of kicks ass, with the band sounding as vital and fresh as they had in a long time. Fans wondered if they could top the aggression and intensity on their next studio album. What they got for a response was the band’s most experimental record yet.

Diabolus in Musica opens with “Bitter Peace,” which starts off heavier and slower than traditional Slayer fare, but ends up in a thrashing frenzy like the Slayer of old. A great, overlooked opener, the album starts off on a great note. “Death’s Head” simplifies things… a lot. Focusing more on a latter-day Sepultura-like groove, the song has some catchy riffs that might make a 14-year-old want to jump up and down, but it doesn’t make for a Slayer classic by any means. The nu-metal “jumpdafuckup” style continues on “Stain of Mind,” which somehow remains in Slayer’s setlist a lot to this very date. The verse riff is eerily similar to Coal Chamber’s “Loco,” from the same year, and that is far, far from a good thing.

“Overt Enemy,” the 4th track, opens with some slow bass and drums, and spoken word samples about war, death, blah, blah, blah. They’re trying to create a creepy and eerie vibe, but failing miserably, with some guitar harmonies that sound really off key and out of place. The heavy riff that comes in at about 0:55 is decent enough, but then the vocals come in and sing the same stupid melody that the guitars had just been playing, and let’s face it, Tom Araya is not much of a “singer.” This song is too slow and too dumbed-down to really ever pick up. Another miss on an album full of them.

Thankfully, “Perversions of Pain” picks things up next. Opening with a slow, doomy riff, once the drums kick in, the song starts to sound a lot like classic Slayer. The chorus is more subdued, recalling “Seasons in the Abyss.” I forgot how much I really liked this song until I listened to this album again to write this. The thrashy riff at 1:25 is total old school Slayer, and the solos are great. “Love to Hate” follows, with Tom Araya shouting over a pretty basic riff. The dumb lyrics aren’t helped by the vocal delivery in this one. Not a terrible song, but not a winner, either.

“Desire” opens with some echoing clean guitars, sort of like “213” from Divine Intervention, but where that song took the clean guitars and built on it, these riffs here just get repeated with drums and distortion backing them. Not the heaviest way to start a song, but it’s something different, and the song slowly gets better from there. Araya basically whispers the verses in this one, but it works in the context of this song. Sometimes they try to be too creepy or scary for their own good, but this song is catchy enough and dark enough to work. “In the Name of God” features some Machine Head-like starts and stops, with some great double-bass work from Paul Bostaph going on underneath. The refrain near the end, “Antichrist is the name of god!” is stupid, for sure, but for a catchy, blasphemous Slayer chant, it’s pretty good. It’s no “God hates us all!” though; that would come on the next album.

And then there’s the song about rugby. Yes, rugby. “Scrum” is actually a decent track, but the lyrics are about Kerry King’s fascination with the sport from down under. If you can get past the lyrics, this is a decent enough song, but not totally memorable, either. “Screaming from the Sky” is another clunker, with some bouncy riffing that just sounds uninspired and directionless. “Point” ends the album with a not so great intro, sounding too much like the other uninspired, bouncy, jumpy riffs I just mentioned, but the song does pick up once the lyrics come in. Nothing amazing, but at least it doesn’t leave the album on a complete down-note.

Why was it forgotten?

The fad of the day was the early rumblings of the nu-metal scene. KoRn and Deftones had just released their second albums, and bands like Coal Chamber and Soulfly were picking up steam. Older thrash bands like Slayer were either in their experimental phases – Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax – or trying to get too extreme, like Testament and Overkill. Slayer sort of did both. They tried to get heavier by tuning down their guitars and slowing the pace, but they also experimented with different sounds and textures, sometimes to good effect (“Desire,” “Perversions of Pain”) and sometimes, not so much (“Overt Enemy,” “Stain of Mind”).

Should it have been forgotten?

Aside from a few songs, yes, it should have been. Slayer have ignored this album in their live shows, the exception being the sub-par “Stain of Mind” (although, it does get mosh pits moving; then again, mosh pits are for idiots and teenagers). Having listened to it again for the purpose of writing this column, it’s not as bad or forgettable as I remembered it being, but it’s still a pretty mediocre album in a catalogue full of mostly awesome ones. I am glad, though, that I rediscovered the awesomeness of “Perversions of Pain,” a lost, underrated Slayer classic.

Matt Steele

Film Convention #1: She'd Never Go Out With That Guy!

Hi, and welcome to a new column here on the Musicarium, Film Conventions. In this column, I aim to take a closer look at various things that crop up repeatedly in films. I’m not trying to determine why these motifs are utilized and why directors keep going to the same well, nor is this meant to be any kind of exhaustive list. There are simply a bundle of things I’ve seen in a lot of different films and I thought this would be as good a place as any to discuss them. So there!

Today, we look at the “attractive girl who is interested in a really weird, but at his heart, good guy”. This motif has been used for generations by lazy screenwriters, is a staple of nearly all films starring Saturday Night Live alums, and recently started being employed by Judd Apatow and his ilk. Usually, the girl in question isn’t drop-dead gorgeous; “wholesome”, “pretty” and “potentially obtainable” are qualifiers that come to mind. Rather than be repelled by the idiotic/childish/scary/angry/ridiculous/insane antics of the film’s protagonist, our woman finds herself drawn in by the hero’s dim-witted, sweaty charms and down to earth good looks.

Sometimes, but not always, there will be a villainous character for the hero to play against for the affections of the female, making her a sort of damsel-in-distress. The villains are always bigger clowns than the heroes, except that they’re evil. Usually these villains are self-obsessed, concerned only with sex and not the woman’s feelings, and in extreme cases controlling, bossy and forceful. Basically, these films give us a paint-by-numbers complete asshole, and perhaps the only person less desirable than the hero of the film.

My question: why would a good-looking, often professional woman waste their time with either man? In real life, they wouldn’t, but here are a few examples from movies when they do.

Movies without a villainous jackoff

Dirty Work (1998)
Woman interested in man she’d never really be interested in: Traylor Howard

Though Julie Bowen in Happy Gilmore (which we’ll get to in a second) sets the standard for good natured, good looking women falling for buffoons, Traylor Howard gets close to the benchmark she sets. Howard has short, blonde hair, a gentle and calm demeanor, and appears to be the one person in the world not put off by Norm MacDonald’s never-ending sarcasm and meanness. She handles his awkwardness and strangeness with interest and affection, and never seems to wonder why the guy is such a dick.

After Norm MacDonald and Artie Lange team up to destroy her grandmother’s apartment building, Howard finally gets mad at him and realizes what a creep he is. Later, the two men manage to clear their names and out evil millionaire (but not “evil millionaire vying for the woman’s affection”!) Travis Cole as the real culprit behind the vandalism. Norm gets the girl in the end, and she never wonders how someone could be so pathetic as to destroy and steal from an entire apartment building. A first-class “she’d never go out with that guy”.

Billy Madison (1995)/Happy Gilmore (1996)
Women interested in man they’d never really be interested in: Bridgette Wilson (Sampras)/Julie Bowen (pictured)

Since these two movies are essentially exactly the same, I thought I’d lump them together. Plots: borderline retarded man-child (Adam Sandler) is desperate to achieve a particular goal. He needs to complete a difficult task in order to achieve this goal. He meets a woman along the way who helps him achieve this goal. They fall in love. Please note that I enjoy these two movies and I’m not trying to denigrate them by pointing this out; this is simply what they are.

In both films, the Sandler character is a brain-dead, drunken moron. He swears, complains, is bitingly sarcastic and rude, gets in fights, constantly bemoans his standing in life, and is in general a disgusting and awful person. In Billy Madison, Sandler is actually forced to go back to grade school because he’s considered such an idiot by everyone he knows. Yet, both in Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, the Sandler character is able to attract a hard-working, purposeful, professional woman. It’s not really explained how, it just sort of happens, although in Billy Madison his grade school teacher, Bridgette Wilson, seems mildly impressed by and attracted to the idea of Sandler grabbing her breasts. In both films, the woman suddenly realizes she loves this dope, even though there’s absolutely nothing to love.

Tommy Boy (1995)
Woman interested in man she’d never really be interested in: Julie Warner

Of all the “she’d never go out with that guy” candidates, this seems to me to be the most feasible in real life. In Tommy Boy, Warner is not a knockout, nor does she have a slightly masked sexiness that the other women mentioned have. She’s simply plain and unremarkable, if slightly cute. Additionally, the behavior of her love interest, Chris Farley, is oafish but not rude or crass, causing her interest in him to be slightly more realistic.

But still, Farley is a bumbling moron in Tommy Boy. Characters constantly joke about how he’s retarded. He can’t seem to walk three feet without walking into a wall or having his pants fall down. And though the barbs hurt Tommy, and he wants to be cooler and less accident-prone (causing him to be a more sympathetic character), no woman of Warner’s stature would take a chance on him. He’s very fat, he’s very stupid and his never-ending string of mishaps is liable to kill her.

Movies with a villainous jerkoff

How High (2001)
Woman interested in man she’d never really be interested in: Lark Voorhies
Villainous jerkoff she wouldn’t have been with before: Chris Elwood

How High might give us the biggest shithead in movie history. Chris Elwood is simply an asshole; he’s a jealous, angry, rude, evil dunderhead. He acts like a young, cocky professional wrestler. Even though Voorhies is black, Elwood makes racial jokes at the expense of his competitor, Silas (played by Method Man). By his actions he practically begs his girlfriend (Voorhies) to leave him.

Even though Elwood is an asshole, Method Man isn’t much better. He’s constantly high on marijuana, he cultivates said marijuana, he’s studying at Harvard fraudulently, and he’s largely a jerk. I’d imagine there would be other men at a university such as Harvard, in a city like Boston, that Voorhies could hitch her wagon to. Her oscillation from one extreme to the other; from ultra-conservative racist blockhead to super-high dunce, might make her the quintessential “she’d never be with that guy” character.

Hot Rod (2007)
Woman interested in man she’d never really be interested in: Isla Fisher
Villainous jerkoff she wouldn’t have been with before: Will Arnett

Isla Fisher isn’t wholesome; she’s downright gorgeous. This makes her attraction to Hot Rod good guy Andy Samberg that much more laughable and implausible. Samberg is a self-styled daredevil who risks his life on a daily basis to impress his stepfather and show how cool he is. He is constantly surrounded by his troglodyte friends, who help him with his stunts and enjoy lighting off fireworks. And for some reason she enjoys their company.

Perhaps her enjoyment of their boneheaded antics stems from her perennial mistreatment at the hands of her boyfriend, played by Will Arnett. His is the classic “dickhead boyfriend” character; checking out other women right in front of Fisher and being concerned more about himself and his “bros” than with her. He also explicitly tells her that he’s “going to buy some dongbags”, which I actually thought was hilarious. Fisher presents another case of being interested in two men that no sane, reasonable woman would ever be interested in; the crazed man-child and the ludicrously self-centered shithead.

Back to School (1986)
Woman interested in man she’d never really be interested in: Terry Farrell
Villainous jerkoff she wouldn’t have been with before: William Zabka

Back to School presents a rare case where the hero is simply a mope. Keith Gordon plays Jason Melon, a shy college freshman who can hardly say two words to girls without coming off as self-conscious and awkward. Instead of having some idiosyncratic trait (like being a daredevil or a golfer who can hit the ball 500 yards), Melon is an introvert. And, from what I’ve seen, nothing in real life is as unattractive to women as being an introvert.

His love interest is Valerie Desmond (Farrell), who is really tall and pretty. She immediately takes a liking to Melon, for whatever reason, even though his jokes are awful and he mumbles incoherently whenever he encounters her. Of course, standing in the way of their ill-conceived destiny is the go-to asshole of the 80s, William Zabka. He does much of what Arnett does in Hot Rod, except it’s not meant to be funny in Back to School. He objectifies and humiliates Desmond and tries to make Melon’s life a living hell. On one hand, we have an unidentifiable doofus, and on the other, a jerky alpha male, with a sweet but pretty college girl in between. In real life, she’d choose neither.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t quickly mention Road House (1989), in which the town’s preeminent sexy but compassionate doctor (Kelly Lynch) once dated a cold hearted millionaire who ruled their town with an iron fist. When she finally left the old evil guy, who did she shack up with? A bouncer with a heart of gold, known primarily for his ability to rip people’s throats out.

If you feel I missed a particularly good one, feel free to leave a comment or post it on Facebook!

John Lacey